I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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