Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
