Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
