I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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