omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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