I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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