I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
