so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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