Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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