i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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