Im at strip club and am horny
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
