none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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