i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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