PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i need some magic done to my vagina
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
