Pants 0. Shit 1.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
