I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
