and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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