both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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