then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
