So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
