Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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