what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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