not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
