Umm I'm too high to move.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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