She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
