he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
