Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
