he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
