Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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