i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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