Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
