so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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