I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
