Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
