I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
