the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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