very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize