Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
