He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
