does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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