how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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