clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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