Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You smell like stripper and shame
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
