I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
