so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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