Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
