i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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