When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
