I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
