Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
