Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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