id be glad to
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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