just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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