I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
