Pappa wants mamma naked
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
