how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
