I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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