I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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